Grinded into the dust

Read the preparatory post @ With No Preparation
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My dreams were smashed to smithereens yesterday when I had logged in to check my CAT 2011 result. I sat for the top notch entrance exam few months back as the first customary step to fulfill my dream of getting into the best B-school in India. Cracking CAT is the first step towards chasing your MBA dream as it paves way into one of the best management institutes of the country, the Indian Institutes of Management or IIM’s. 

Around 1.85 lakh candidates took the test over a 20-day testing window across 36 cities from mid-October out of which nine were successful enough to secure 100 percentile in the Common Admission Test this year. And, here I’m licking the dust all around. I never thought of making it into this year coveted list except in my dreams where I thought God blessing me with HIS supreme powers and getting me an easy access to the IIM’s. Yet the dismal of not being selected vex me. 

licking the dust all around

This post contains the autopsy report that I prepared to know about my weakest links and areas that I needed to improve if I want myself into one of those Mecca of management studies in India. After going through various CAT coaching websites after the initial CAT exam I speculated of getting something around 80-85 percentile but then destiny had some other plans for me and I hardly managed to get somewhat around 70 percentile. A 10 percentile steep fall startled me completely and compelled me to diagnose my footfalls. 

Failures are stepping stone to success

The gravest mistake I happen to commit was not getting enrolled for any mock tests provided by almost every coaching institute. I had my own reservations behind that but at last it’s the end results that matters the most, where unfortunately my technique collapsed. To every CAT aspirants please before the actual test sit for some mock tests that may eventually help you in easing out the pressure and letting you know about your preparedness for the CAT. Mock tests make you learn from your mistakes and ensure that you don’t commit them in future.

Secondly, I scored badly in Data interpretation (DI) where the certainty of having more than one close answer dilapidated me completely. For solving questions on DI accurately one must fully get himself versed with all sorts of graphs, schemes, plans, etc. Nothing else other than practice can save your sinking boat . The busy schedule of engineering tolled with major project in the last semester proved a big hindrance to my path towards achieving mastery at DI. But excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. Consistent practice increases the accuracy and speed needed to improve this section that comes through lot of practice papers. 

Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure

Thirdly, the Quantitative section though junior classes based still needs a thorough understanding of mathematical formulas.  Lack of practice made it harder for me to recall the important formulas when I needed them the most. Adding to the mayhem were the close options the question paper contains where judging the answer closely won’t matter until you bang on the target. I never understood how the psychometric analysis works while differentiating a closed option from the correct one. In any case it’s always better to go for the right option than for a closed one. I guess that in my case the majority answers clicked were closed but not correct. 

even an ant works hard to get her food

Lastly, passion is great for cracking the CAT yet a strong dedication and commitment which comes from regular and discipline study are vital  prerequisite for good score. One must study for around 2 hours a day continuously to get ones foot set before the D-day. I know it' gets really hard for working professionals to dugout time from there busy schedule but then I cannot have everything served to me directly in my mouth; even an ant works hard to get her food.  You take out time, study daily, prepare well and make it to IIM’s.

Isn’t that simple? 

I won’t get disillusioned by this year debacle of mine at CAT as they say, “Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom.” Will surely learn from my past mistakes and try to put afar the dark clouds looming over me.

Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom

Once, Once & Once

Once I had a dream ,

A dream to shake the world

From the ruptures of silence

Of achieving the unattainable

& Creating a new Ethiopia !

Once I was strong ,

Strong to break the mask

Compose the veracity lyrics

& Fight the serpent :))

Once it was all about me ,

Thoughts were chaotic ,

Nights were spend visualizing

& Days crawling over the dreams !

Once I was a learner ,

Passion was an obsession

& Success was an unseen necessity !

Once, Once & Once

I was with you

Loving life...

The Dark Reality

I don’t know why I’m unto this, it’s been quite long since I penned down something personal like the present post. May be its all because of positive vibe the Kailash Pilgrimage infused in me. 

I’m unable to answer the perplexing question which my soul keeps on bouncing back again and again that why it’s always me who has to face the burden of darkest realities of the life? Why can’t I sit back and enjoy my success? Why people remember me only at the time of need? Why it’s always that the people I care for backstab me? And, why I can’t be me at times? 

It’s been pretty long since I cried; I believe boys are born with a hard shell which keeps their eyes at bay from being moist. Yet, today I want to scream at the fullest of my voice. I want an explanation from the Almighty today for all my grief. May be the reservoir of pain has reached its extreme limits which provokes me to behave insanely. I know I can’t be always right but then why I’m always wrong? 

I’m still trying to locate the sacred knowledge which can fill the vacuum and provide my soul some solace. The hunt for the treasure house of truth lies unfulfilled. I want to start afresh but the past haunts me. Sooner or later I will be over with this intense phase and will move on with life because at the end of the day show must go on.

Musings

From past few months there has been a vibrant change in me which has altered my way of thinking significantly. Sometimes, it confuses me and more often it bewilders me to re-think on my past actions. And, at other times it motivates me to do better and guides me to be more productive in future. I really find myself in tough paths while dealing with such an ideological tremor. Yet, now I can sense the positivity behind this entire shift. Now, I don’t get angry or irritated even if someone continuously tries to make me so, rather I focus on the good aspects of it( mind me, everything has some or the other good things attached).  

Is it I’m getting too much self-centred? Is it what people call being egoistic?

I guess the answer is NO. 

This all is just because I’m getting closer to myself. I have started acting the way I want and not what others want from me even if it hurts someone. I took birth not to make everyone happy so why should I follow someone else norms? I don’t know when and how this realization came in me but I want to keep with this self realization for long, till the end of my life.

Over the past few months a thought sprang in me that I’m not inferior to anyone. May be, at times I may not be the best, than too it doesn’t make me less competent. Yet, this hasn’t stopped me in extracting the good qualities from others. I’m really loving it and enjoying each and every moment of the divine me. 

A week that went by

"How many proposes?"... a fellow hosteller asked me.

"No one…"  I replied. 

He gave me a bizarre look and left. Thanks buddy for that droll look, which eventually acted as an inspiration. I don’t guarantee you of finding something valuable here. Moreover this post is an act of self evaluation I undergone last week. 

You might have kept a distant from the week of love if you had died a decade ago. But, there is no way to keep it at bay nowadays, thanks to our dailies (TOI, Hindustan, and Express to name few) that don’t miss a chance to monetize love through a one page advertisement.

Last week would have been great financially for vendors selling roses and wholesale teddies. I don’t think I should mention about Chocolates manufacturing companies. I never make it out why people are so desperate to eat an insecticide. This year was no exception to all those years of ignorance which was the root cause of still mine being single. I would rather love to blog, read newspapers and drink tea than circle around a girl hostel. 

Last week was bit tempering; I had restless nights and vacuous days. I’m in my third year of engineering and yet my future bewilders me. Meanwhile, the Incubation cell which I launched few months back with the support of Hasmeet Singh is planning for an Idea Conference in coming weeks with the support of Thoughtberg. Let’s see when the whole thing gets materialize. 

Last week was of much importance as far as the world politics is concerned. You guess it right; I’m talking about the Egyptian Revolution. I know, it has been weeks since the people of Egypt’s have taken demonstrations to the streets. Yet, last week Husni Mubarak speech was crucial and had significant effect. I wish something similar would have happen in India.

Image Source: Google